{"id":1751,"date":"2017-05-16T15:06:47","date_gmt":"2017-05-16T15:06:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/svmarriagecoun.wpengine.com\/?p=1751"},"modified":"2025-09-09T18:54:19","modified_gmt":"2025-09-10T01:54:19","slug":"taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8216;Taking Care Of&#8217; or &#8216;Caring For&#8217; Your Partner? Why it Matters."},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>Marriage guidance, advice, and relationship tips from expert <a href=\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/silicon-valley\/about-azizeh\/\">marriage therapist Azizeh Rezaiyan<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<p><!-- offering marriage counseling, couples therapy -->In my couple\u2019s therapy sessions, partners often talk about \u201ctaking care of each other.\u201d They go on and on about all the ways they make special efforts to make their partner happy. Unfortunately, these couples are not alone in their confusion about the difference between taking care of their partner (caretaking) and caring for their partner.<\/p>\n<p>The fact is, there are only two people whom we should take care of in life. One is our own self and the other is our minor child. Of course, there are times and exceptions when we must take care of our ill partner or old parents, but they remain exceptions. For the rest of the people in our lives our task instead is to <a href=\"https:\/\/greatergood.berkeley.edu\/article\/item\/gratitude_is_for_lovers?utm_source=chatgpt.com\"><strong>remain caring<em>.<\/em><\/strong><\/a> This conflation of caretaking and caring for is incredibly common, and it is very dangerous and damaging to relationships.<\/p>\n<p>In marriage and relationship counseling, couples learn in depth about the difference between the act of caring and the act of caretaking. The topic deserves the extra time and attention; it is crucial to learn the difference. Not understanding it can mean one spouse\u2019s genuine efforts to be kind and loving can be a source of marital discord. It\u2019s an unfortunate fact that well-meaning attempts to show care can take the marriage into \u201cneeds to be saved\u201d territory.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s the critical difference between caretaking vs. caring for:<\/p>\n<p>Caretaking: When we <em>take care<\/em> <em>of<\/em> our partner in an intimate relationship, the dynamic in the relationship becomes a parent-child one. This dynamic kills intimacy and sexual desire. Gradually, partners on the receiving end of caretaking feel controlled, inadequate, and slowly resentful. In addition, they receive the message that they are incapable of &#8211; or not smart enough to be &#8211; taking care of themselves. The partner also perceives they are not inherently lovable. They learn that in order to be loved, they must do things for the caretaking partner at the expense of their own well-being. This dynamic eventually makes the partner feel exhausted, taken advantage of, and angry that no matter what they do, nothing is good enough.<\/p>\n<p>Caring for: When spouses engage instead in <em>caring for <\/em>each other, both partners perceive a sense of genuine kindness and reward of feeling fulfilled. Caring for without caretaking remains respectful to the boundaries of self <u>and<\/u> others. It is supportive but not intrusive. It enhances intimacy, bringing sensuality and love to the relationship which strengthens the bond between the couple.<\/p>\n<p>If you or your partner seem to have a problem with the distinction between caring for and caretaking, really consider seeking marriage counseling. Caretaking can be toxic and deadly to an otherwise good relationship, and it is imperative to address it. Spending some time and money addressing caretaking relationship issues and learning healthy \u201ccaring for\u201d strategies can truly mean a happier, more fulfilling marriage and life. This is an area where <a href=\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/silicon-valley\/couples-counseling\/\">couples therapy<\/a> can be most effective, so if you need marriage help with caretaking, take heart. Don\u2019t deny yourself and your spouse the peace and happiness that can result when healthy relationship behaviors take root.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Marriage guidance, advice, and relationship tips from expert marriage therapist Azizeh Rezaiyan In my couple\u2019s therapy sessions, partners often talk about \u201ctaking care of each other.\u201d They go on and on about all the ways they make special efforts to make their partner happy. Unfortunately, these couples are not alone in their confusion about the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":2257,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[10,11],"class_list":["post-1751","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marriage-counseling","tag-couples-therapy","tag-marriage-counseling"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Are you taking care of or caring for your partner? Why it matters.<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Confusing care with control erodes love. Discover everyday acts of care\u2014attention, follow-through, fair effort\u2014that strengthen connection.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Are you taking care of or caring for your partner? Why it matters.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Confusing care with control erodes love. Discover everyday acts of care\u2014attention, follow-through, fair effort\u2014that strengthen connection.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Azizeh Rezaiyan Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-05-16T15:06:47+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-09-10T01:54:19+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/care.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"400\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"267\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Saffir\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Saffir\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Saffir\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#\/schema\/person\/b0972ca5fac6e32e3d7af611c683643b\"},\"headline\":\"&#8216;Taking Care Of&#8217; or &#8216;Caring For&#8217; Your Partner? Why it Matters.\",\"datePublished\":\"2017-05-16T15:06:47+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-09-10T01:54:19+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/\"},\"wordCount\":543,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/care.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"couples therapy\",\"marriage counseling\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Marriage Counseling\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/\",\"name\":\"Are you taking care of or caring for your partner? Why it matters.\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/care.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2017-05-16T15:06:47+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-09-10T01:54:19+00:00\",\"description\":\"Confusing care with control erodes love. Discover everyday acts of care\u2014attention, follow-through, fair effort\u2014that strengthen connection.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/care.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/care.jpg\",\"width\":400,\"height\":267,\"caption\":\"Caring looks like small, consistent acts\u2014attention, respect, and follow-through.\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"&#8216;Taking Care Of&#8217; or &#8216;Caring For&#8217; Your Partner? Why it Matters.\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/\",\"name\":\"Azizeh Rezaiyan Couples Therapy\",\"description\":\"Making Good Lives Better\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Azizeh Rezaiyan Couples Therapy\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/ARCT-logo-color.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/ARCT-logo-color.png\",\"width\":373,\"height\":63,\"caption\":\"Azizeh Rezaiyan Couples Therapy\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"}},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#\/schema\/person\/b0972ca5fac6e32e3d7af611c683643b\",\"name\":\"Saffir\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Are you taking care of or caring for your partner? Why it matters.","description":"Confusing care with control erodes love. Discover everyday acts of care\u2014attention, follow-through, fair effort\u2014that strengthen connection.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Are you taking care of or caring for your partner? Why it matters.","og_description":"Confusing care with control erodes love. Discover everyday acts of care\u2014attention, follow-through, fair effort\u2014that strengthen connection.","og_url":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/","og_site_name":"Azizeh Rezaiyan Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling","article_published_time":"2017-05-16T15:06:47+00:00","article_modified_time":"2025-09-10T01:54:19+00:00","og_image":[{"width":400,"height":267,"url":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/care.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Saffir","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Saffir","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/"},"author":{"name":"Saffir","@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#\/schema\/person\/b0972ca5fac6e32e3d7af611c683643b"},"headline":"&#8216;Taking Care Of&#8217; or &#8216;Caring For&#8217; Your Partner? Why it Matters.","datePublished":"2017-05-16T15:06:47+00:00","dateModified":"2025-09-10T01:54:19+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/"},"wordCount":543,"commentCount":0,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/care.jpg","keywords":["couples therapy","marriage counseling"],"articleSection":["Marriage Counseling"],"inLanguage":"en","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/","url":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/","name":"Are you taking care of or caring for your partner? Why it matters.","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/care.jpg","datePublished":"2017-05-16T15:06:47+00:00","dateModified":"2025-09-10T01:54:19+00:00","description":"Confusing care with control erodes love. Discover everyday acts of care\u2014attention, follow-through, fair effort\u2014that strengthen connection.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/care.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/care.jpg","width":400,"height":267,"caption":"Caring looks like small, consistent acts\u2014attention, respect, and follow-through."},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/taking-care-of-or-caring-for-your-partner-why-it-matters\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"&#8216;Taking Care Of&#8217; or &#8216;Caring For&#8217; Your Partner? Why it Matters."}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#website","url":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/","name":"Azizeh Rezaiyan Couples Therapy","description":"Making Good Lives Better","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#organization","name":"Azizeh Rezaiyan Couples Therapy","url":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/ARCT-logo-color.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/ARCT-logo-color.png","width":373,"height":63,"caption":"Azizeh Rezaiyan Couples Therapy"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"}},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/#\/schema\/person\/b0972ca5fac6e32e3d7af611c683643b","name":"Saffir"}]}},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/care.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1751","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/30"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1751"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1751\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2257"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1751"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1751"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1751"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}