{"id":1916,"date":"2017-11-16T09:51:27","date_gmt":"2017-11-16T09:51:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/svmarriagecoun.wpengine.com\/?p=1916"},"modified":"2025-09-10T12:44:27","modified_gmt":"2025-09-10T19:44:27","slug":"couples-conflict-communication-skills-may-problem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/couples-conflict-communication-skills-may-problem\/","title":{"rendered":"Couples in Conflict \u2013 Why Your Communication Skills May Be a Problem"},"content":{"rendered":"

As naturally unrestrained creatures, we humans need efficient communication like a plant needs water.<\/p>\n

When we\u2019re unable to break that barrier, we become frustrated, depressed and angry.<\/p>\n

What should be done to solve this issue?<\/p>\n

Confronting the Cause of Poor Communication<\/b><\/strong><\/h2>\n

According to a survey<\/u><\/a>, poor communication is the number one reason why most couples split up. But it should be noted that in these cases, poor communication isn\u2019t just about stonewalling the other person.<\/p>\n

Poor communication can mean showing defensiveness in normal conversations, showing contempt, ignoring your partner, not paying attention during times of distress, criticizing them, etc.<\/p>\n

By not exercising conversation, couples not only make things worse for themselves, they make their partners feel like their efforts and love is not worth it. That can have an adverse impact in the long run for both parties.<\/p>\n

The Language of Communication<\/b><\/strong><\/h2>\n

Effective interpersonal communication depends on various factors.<\/p>\n

For example, saying words and directives like you should, you must, you need <\/i><\/em>etc. makes a direct statement that often passes as judgment on the other person.<\/p>\n

In truth, if your partner needed or wanted to do something, they would have. While you mean well, they won\u2019t take it as a well-meant comment. They\u2019d consider it as judgment for their lack of action, and that makes them defensive. Using the word you<\/i><\/em>\u00a0specially brings up resentment.<\/p>\n

There are always more effective ways to give an opinion without being too direct with your statement.<\/p>\n

Negative Effects of Miscommunication<\/b><\/strong><\/h2>\n

Making a universal statement that generalizes your partner\u2019s behavior or personality makes them feel that perhaps, they\u2019re not as unique (or special to you)<\/u>\u00a0as they should\u2019ve been. And when paired with a directive, this makes your statement all the more judgmental.<\/p>\n

Make generalized statements like:<\/p>\n

You <\/i><\/em>always<\/i><\/b><\/em><\/strong>\u00a0do this\u2026<\/i><\/em><\/p>\n

You <\/i><\/em>never<\/i><\/b><\/em><\/strong>\u00a0do anything I tell you to\u2026<\/i><\/em><\/p>\n

You\u2019re <\/i><\/em>such<\/i><\/b><\/em><\/strong>\u00a0a slob\u2026<\/i><\/em><\/p>\n

You\u2019re <\/i><\/em>so<\/i><\/b><\/em><\/strong>\u00a0lazy!<\/i><\/em><\/p>\n

You\u2019re messing <\/i><\/em>everything<\/i><\/b><\/em><\/strong>\u00a0<\/i><\/em>again<\/i><\/b><\/em><\/strong>\u2026<\/i><\/em><\/p>\n

Consider the opposite scenario. As an adult, if someone were to say these statements to you, it would make you feel belittled. In addition, if you pair each of these statements with the direct insult, this makes the other person feel as though all their hard work is ineffective.<\/p>\n

Learn to separate the situation from the person you\u2019re addressing. Sure, they may have committed a fault. Don\u2019t let that one fault diminish all their past days. Separate the issue and focus on that, rather than the person themselves.<\/p>\n

An ineffective sentence would be: You\u2019re so messy, you never clean anything up!<\/i><\/em><\/p>\n

An effective sentence would be:\u00a0I noticed that you didn\u2019t do the laundry this week.\u201d<\/i><\/em><\/p>\n

What\u2019s the Solution?<\/b><\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/a>As a licensed marriage and family therapist<\/u><\/a>, I\u2019ve worked with many couples dealing with relationship issues, only because one or both are unable to communicate effectively and openly.<\/p>\n

We must understand that even if your relationship is suffering, it doesn\u2019t have to. You still have the chance to improve through proper communication.<\/p>\n

Consult with a reliable relationship counselor<\/u><\/a>, be willing to work for the person you love and try your best to improve your connection.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t being said. The art of reading between the lines is a lifelong quest of the wise.\u201d<\/i><\/em><\/p>\n

Shannon L. Adler<\/i><\/b><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As naturally unrestrained creatures, we humans need efficient communication like a plant needs water. When we\u2019re unable to break that barrier, we become frustrated, depressed and angry. What should be done to solve this issue? Confronting the Cause of Poor Communication According to a survey, poor communication is the number one reason why most couples […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":30,"featured_media":117,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,6,7,4,8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1916","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","category-couples-counseling","category-couples-therapy","category-family-counseling","category-marriage-counseling"],"yoast_head":"\nCouples in Conflict \u2013 Why Your Communication Skills May Be a Problem - Azizeh Rezaiyan Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Struggling to connect? 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