{"id":2536,"date":"2019-02-13T14:00:08","date_gmt":"2019-02-13T14:00:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/svmarriagecoun.wpengine.com\/?p=2536"},"modified":"2023-11-28T07:54:28","modified_gmt":"2023-11-28T15:54:28","slug":"enabling-bad-behavior-5-things-we-do-that-enable-our-partners-to-continue-with-their-bad-behavior","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/enabling-bad-behavior-5-things-we-do-that-enable-our-partners-to-continue-with-their-bad-behavior\/","title":{"rendered":"Enabling Bad Behavior: 5 Things We Do that Enable Our Partners to Continue with their Bad Behavior"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Have you ever come across a couple where one partner was completely obnoxious and the other, though not half as bad, is usually in support of what the not so great partner might be doing? If you have, what you witnessed is one partner enabling another.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<h2><strong><b>What Is Enabling Exactly?<\/b><\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>Simply put, enabling is when you make room for someone else\u2019s bad behavior. In doing so, you in a sense support what they are doing wrong and add to the problem. Remember, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/the-anatomy-addiction\/201207\/are-you-empowering-or-enabling\"><u>enabling is not the same as empowering<\/u><\/a>!<\/p>\n<p>Where empowering applies to support of more positive behaviors and actions, enabling supports the opposite. Further, even if the enabler comes off as a victim in the dynamic, the payoff associated with enabling may be the feeling of being ideal and irreplaceable for the other. This brings us to the question; what do we do that enables our partner\u2019s bad behavior?<\/p>\n<h2><strong><b>Neglecting Your Own Needs <\/b><\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>Now we all know how healthy relationships are about balance or compromise which is why when one partner seems to always be putting their own needs last, it is a cause for concern. If you find that you are always accommodating your partner but your partner isn\u2019t really doing the same for you this could be a problem.<\/p>\n<p>It is important to look after yourself just as much, if not a little more than you look after your significant other. If you feel your priorities, obligations and commitments are always sacrificed for your partner, you\u2019ve got a problem. Further, if you feel your partner\u2019s emotional wellbeing takes precedent to yours, this too is problematic.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re putting yourself second all the time and your life is more about your partner than it is about you, you\u2019re probably enabling your partner\u2019s selfish or self centered behavior!<\/p>\n<h2><strong><b>Making Excuses and Allowances<\/b><\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>Another thing that if done in excess could be a red flag is making excuses and allowances for your partner. If you have a partner who is behaving in a manner that is undesirable but you have trouble calling it what it is, this may be a problem.<\/p>\n<p>If you find yourself constantly justifying your partner\u2019s bad behavior to yourself or to others, chances are you\u2019re doing your bit to enable them.<\/p>\n<p>It is natural for us to want to protect and defend those we love and those we are close to. At the same time, doing this even when the partner in question is acting in a manner that is toxic, negative or harmful is extremely unhealthy and can be classed as enabling behavior.<\/p>\n<h2><strong><b>Constantly Avoiding Confrontation <\/b><\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>Many of us prefer to avoid confrontation and why not. Confrontation can be unpleasant, emotionally exhausting and on occasion, completely unproductive. At the same time, confrontation can also facilitate growth; help with conflict resolution and help place boundaries where they may be lacking.<\/p>\n<p>If you are walking on eggshells more often than not or allowing your partner to behave in a negative manner and not calling them out for it, you might just be enabling their bad behavior.<\/p>\n<h2><strong><b>Seeing Your Support as Essential <\/b><\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>This one is a little trickier than those stated above, however, if you constantly perceive your partner as incapable, helpless or in need of your devotion and support at all times, you\u2019re enabling them. Acting as a buffer for each of your partner\u2019s action is not healthy and in doing so, you aren\u2019t doing them any favor.<\/p>\n<p>There are times when to help people grow, we need to step back and stop shielding and supporting them. Even with infants, letting go of their hands is an important step in the process of teaching them to walk! At times, it is healthy to let your partner falter and learn. If you\u2019re not letting them, chances are they won\u2019t change. In other words, you\u2019re enabling!<\/p>\n<h2><strong><b>You\u2019re having a Hard Time<\/b><\/strong><\/h2>\n<h2><strong><b><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-2538\" src=\"https:\/\/https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/sil6.png\" alt=\"You\u2019re having a Hard Time\" width=\"1000\" height=\"666\" srcset=\"https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/sil6.png 1000w, https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/sil6-300x200.png 300w, https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/sil6-768x511.png 768w, https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/sil6-750x500.png 750w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px\" \/><\/b><\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>The irony about enabling is that though there is a payoff, it does not overtly seem great. Often enablers see themselves as victims in situations. If you feel your relationship is difficult, exhausting and unfulfilling yet, there you are, working at it; maybe you\u2019re not being completely honest with yourself.<\/p>\n<p>In a healthy relationship, there would be enough care going around for you to not feel like that. If you are, either the relationship is lopsided or you\u2019re being an enabler without even realizing it!<\/p>\n<h2><strong><b>What\u2019s the Problem? <\/b><\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>The problem here is that eventually, we all burn out and if you\u2019re the enabler in a relationship, so will you! Another problem is that maybe the partner in question is not all bad but due to the relational dynamic is operating at their worst!<\/p>\n<p>In any case, the sooner you move out of the enabler position and start taking stock and ownership of your space within the relationship, the better! It can sometimes be hard to navigate such relational complexities. This is where couples therapy\u00a0or marriage counseling\u00a0may be helpful.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re located in Palo Alto\u00a0and are <a href=\"https:\/\/https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/\/couples-counseling\/\"><u>looking for a therapist offering couple therapy<\/u><\/a>\u00a0or marriage counseling, feel free to <a href=\"https:\/\/https:\/\/cms-staginglink3.com\/aziza-client-site\/\/palo-alto-ca\/\"><u>connect with us<\/u><\/a>. Remember, what you get served is what you ordered so make sure you\u2019re not adding to your stresses by being an enabler!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Have you ever come across a couple where one partner was completely obnoxious and the other, though not half as bad, is usually in support of what the not so great partner might be doing? If you have, what you witnessed is one partner enabling another.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":2537,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2536","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Challenge Toxic Enabling in Relationships<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Break the cycle of enabling and transforming your relationship with insightful approaches to confront bad behavior.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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